Loving ourselves, or self-love, is a practice alien to most of us because it’s often confused with being narcissistic and egocentric. Loving ourselves is actually one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves. It can literally change our lives.

When we’re narcissistic or egocentric, we think the world revolves around us. We’re mostly concerned with ourselves instead of being concerned with others. On the other hand, when we practice self-love we learn to adore ourselves so we can adore others in the same manner. We learn to support ourselves so we can support others. Self-love heals ourselves allowing others around us to reap the benefits.

Check out this video where I explain three self-love techniques. You can also read below a recap of what I’m talking on the video.

Self-love reeducation

Throughout our lives, we slowly forget how beautiful are. We slowly love ourselves less and less. As the old saying goes “how can someone else love us when we don’t even love ourselves” (or some variation of this). Another way to put it: how can we give what we don’t have?

When we learn to love ourselves again, we start to reconnect with who we are. We begin to understand that the more love we give ourselves, the more love we have to share with others. We have an immense amount of love in ourselves. Actually, we’re pure love. Once we start tapping into this love, the sky is the limit.

Here are three wonderful techniques to get some TLC back into your life the easy and fast way. I use these techniques  in my life to make sure my internal love tank is always full.

Love yourself daily

Do this simple exercise each morning: Hug yourself and sincerely say “I love myself.” It could be challenging at first if you’re not used to actually loving yourself or if you feel that you don’t deserve love. If this is the case, look yourself in the mirror while you say these words to help you buy into this concept.

Stick with this exercise until it feels that acknowledging your love towards yourself is a natural and joyous process. You may also repeat this exercise throughout the day whenever you remember it.

In addition, you can repeat this exercise when someone acts unkindly towards you. This exercise will allow you to bring the love back to yourself after an unpleasant experience.

It’s great to also repeat “I love myself” before going to sleep so you surround yourself with that love feeling before you doze off.

Be your biggest cheerleader

It’s great to have a support team to cheer us along our path, but it’s even better when our reinforcement is internal. We may tell others that they’re great and that they’re doing amazing work, but we hardly ever (maybe never) tell ourselves that we’re doing amazing work. We tend to doubt ourselves and think that others are doing better than us.

Start right now by reversing this process and cheering yourself along the way. For anything that you do throughout the day, congratulate yourself. Let yourself be amazed by all your deeds. The point is not that these deeds were amazing in the eyes of others. The point is that you did them and for this reason they’re amazing, because you’re amazing.

When our cheering team is ourselves, we can always count on it and reinforcement is immediate.

Be kind to yourself

We tend to be very judgmental and critical towards ourselves. We feel guilty for the things we did and the things we said. We regret what we didn’t say or do. All this guilt and regret can really weight us down. We’re our biggest critic, hands down. We’re often kinder to strangers than we are to ourselves.

Start to notice the words you use when you talk about yourself out loud and in your mind. The words you think and say about yourself reflect your self-image. If you use unkind words when talking about yourself (such as stupid, fat, looser, and so on), replace these unkind words with caring, loving words. Words are very powerful as they represent our mental world. As you reverse the unkind words in your thoughts, you allow yourself to be seen through new, kinder eyes.

Learning to love ourselves teaches us how to love others. The love, cheering, and kindness we impart on ourselves heals us from the inside out. As we embrace self-love, our love naturally flows into the world. And there is nothing narcissistic about that.

“Brite-size” dose of happiness
To expand our consciousness, grow, and transform it’s important that we practice daily the principles we learn. Here is the brite-size dose of happiness for us to practice this week:

“Self-love is a natural process. Love is who we are.”

If you missed the last episode of britetalk radio, check out how Farnoosh rocked the house with her fear crushing techniques.

Your turn:

How do you feel about self-love? Are you kind to yourself? Are you your biggest cheerleader? Please share. I’d love to hear from you.

With you always in my heart,
Andrea

Enjoyed reading my story of self-love? Well, there’s more! You can also read the rest of the stories written by online personal development bloggers in a Self Love Stories Report. Evelyn Lim started the ball rolling by sharing her story in the post Self Love Story: Lessons from the Heart. She had written it in response to an intuitive call to create greater Self Love Awareness. The report, compiled with the help of Lance Ekum, will be available as a free download soon!

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This is a guest post by my friend Stuart Mills.

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” – William James

Are you inspired to help others?

It’s a bit of a trick question, I admit, as sometimes we are highly inspired to help others, performing incredible amounts of generousity for others. Other times, we don’t feel up to it for whatever reason, and the inspiration leaves us. Sometimes we can’t seem to get the motivation going.

But what motivates you in the first place?

But what motivates you in the first place? What inspires you to ‘be great’ and help others out. Maybe write a blog post, or leave a helpful blog comment, or send a useful link. Or, outside of the blogging universe, helping an old lady across the road? What motivates you to be a force for good in this world?

My Reasoning

This question was posed to me in the form of ‘homework’ for a new counseling course that I have recently started, and I have wrote up my answer as required. But then it got me thinking, “how would others answer this question?”. There are some very unique bloggers out there, that help others in different ways. So now, I have decided to ask you this question, “What motivates you to help others?”

To show that I’m a good sport, here’s my answer to the question:

“For the past three years, I’ve developed a desire within myself to help others. It initially came about from reading a book I received at Christmas 2007, titled “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari”, and since reading, I have experienced a deep wish to help others become better individuals, and to experience better lives.

Thinking about it, I believe this drive has been a part of me since I was a child, but I hadn’t been able to do anything about it due to my childhood upbringing of “yourself before others”. I’d been taught to put myself first, and to achieve great success for myself and no-one else. And I had digested this belief as an integral part of my being, until that fateful Christmas, when the ‘great shift’ began from focusing on myself, to focusing on others.

This, in part, motivates me to help others; there are many people out there in the world who are less fortunate than me. They’ve yet to read a life-changing book, they’ve yet to experience a shift in their very mode of living, they’ve yet to realize that they can live a better day-to-day existence than the one they currently have. It’s this lack of awareness of people’s true potential that inspires and motivates me to selfless give my time and knowledge to others, so that I can help them the way I’ve been helped.

Selflessly giving to others is a very high ideal, which I constantly strive for. I haven’t yet reached it, as I still harbor thoughts of greed and envy from time to time, and I doubt I will ever reach a perfect level like the Buddha or Jesus Christ, but that doesn’t stop me from continuing to reach. The very feeling of giving without any aim of getting makes me feel good inside. It invigorates me to help more, and to connect with other people in the hopes that I can help them too.

This, I believe is my ultimate aim: to help change the world into a better place to live. I don’t mean shaping the world to fit my personal ideals, because my ideals are my own and no-one else’s. Rather, I wish to help the world to help itself, one person at a time. I believe attending courses such as Introduction To Counseling, and gaining more knowledge of helping others, will enable me to better serve the world and its inhabitants.

This aim is my life’s aim, my life’s purpose. To have a purpose that transcends your individual life is the best way to live, as you ensure that what you have done lives on after you’re gone. Rather than focusing on gaining achievements and success for yourself, it’s better to focus on future generations, and what you can do for the future of the world. To live for that which will still exist after you’ve gone, is the most useful way you can live.

It’s this life purpose that ultimately motivates me to help others.”

So what drives you to give to others, and make their lives better? What inspires you to assist your fellow brethren in whatever struggle they’re involved in? What motivates you to help others?

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Stuart Mills is an experienced writer who wants to help you improve at life. He thinks you’re awesome. You can often find him at Unlock The Door, where he writes constantly to make it a better day for everyone, and you can subscribe to his content here.

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If you like what you see at britetalk, subscribe via RSS or by email. Kindly tweet it, share it on Facebook, or use the social buttons below to add it on your favorite social sites. I truly appreciate.

I had a lot of fun creating the video below. Check out how the world can be your personal creation when you change your focus. No more need for fear or stress. We can all enjoy an amazing world together.

“Brite-size” dose of happiness
To expand our consciousness, grow, and transform it’s important that we practice daily the principles we learn. Here is the brite-size dose of happiness for us to practice this week:

“Be the love you want to see in the world”

I’ll be covering this topic on my weekly Britetalk Radio show. If you’d like, tune in to explore this topic a little more .

How do you see your world? Do you try to improve it or do you go with “what is?” Do you stress about the state of the world and the people in it? Please share in the comments.

With you always in my heart,
Andrea

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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Marianne Williamson

When I twitted this quote, my twitter friend Jane asked: “How do I conquer this fear?”

My answer was: “It takes a huge step towards trusting the universe and trusting ourselves. It takes an even bigger step for us to allow ourselves to be great. Not always easy but we can do it in small steps one day at a time. Start today by recognizing your awesomeness!”

We’re so afraid of recognizing how great we are that we end up underachieving in all areas of our lives. We end up living small lives telling ourselves that we’re plain and ordinary. And worst of all, we convince ourselves that this is good enough. Is this really who we are?

Awesomeness bootcamp

Bottom line, in reality we’re all awesome. And we each manifest this awesomeness in different ways. No matter what we do, we can’t mess it up — we’ll always be awesome. Most of the time we don’t feel awesome and we don’t express our awesomeness, but that doesn’t mean that we are not awesome.

Due to fear, we don’t act on our awesomeness and express it purely. Fear of failure, fear of not being heard, fear of not being good enough, fear of exposure, fear of success, fear of not having what it takes, and the list goes on and on.

Our awesomeness is a given, but feeling awesome is a choice! Start to embrace your awesomeness by moving towards your awesomeness one step at a time. I use the following process to step away from fear and step into my awesomeness.

1. Notice

Notice any limiting thoughts that tell you that you can’t do it, that it’s impossible, that you’re not that good, that you can’t pull it off, and so on.

Notice that this is your ego mind talking to you from its position of fear. Your ego mind is trying to protect you by keeping you small. You can love your ego mind for trying to do what it thinks is best for you, but you don’t have to play its game.

Be aware during the day of the thoughts that cross your mind when you try to do something new or when exploring a new idea.

2. Challenge

When limiting thoughts cross your mind, question these thoughts by asking “Is this really true? Is this really who I am? How do I know for sure that I can’t be more?”

Challenge every limiting thought and you’ll notice that none of them are true. We’ve been playing the same old record for so long in our heads that somehow we start to believe that these thoughts are true and that’s who we are.

Fears are nothing but thoughts we believe to be true. When we challenge these thoughts, there is no longer a need to be afraid.

3. Reassure

Reassure yourself that you will no longer let the ego mind dictate your life. Tell yourself that you’re awesome beyond belief and that your life is yours for the taking. Remind yourself that you’ve listened to the ego mind for too long and that now it’s time to break free because you’re awesome.

4.Confront

Create situations to stretch yourself into your awesomeness. Take baby steps with things you feel comfortable with at first. Then take steps towards things you’ve been scared to do. It can be anything from asking someone out to speaking in front a big audience.

You have to confront your fear to be able to grow into your awesomeness. It can be scary at first, but you’ll notice that the only thing preventing you from going for your awesomeness is a self-defeating thought you’re carrying.

How much awesomeness can you handle?

I see your awesomeness. You can’t hide it any longer. The only way out is to embrace your awesomeness and dismiss all thoughts that say otherwise.

Stepping into our awesomeness is a growth process to be cherished and embraced. As we acknowledge our awesomeness we recognize who we really. Get a hold of yourself because it’s time to grow up and be who you’re supposed to be: Awesome.

“Brite-size” dose of happiness
To expand our consciousness, grow, and transform it’s important that we practice daily the principles we learn. Here is the brite-size dose of happiness for us to practice this week:

“Celebrate your awesomeness.”

I’ll be covering this process on my weekly Britetalk Radio show if you’d like to tune in to explore this topic a little deeper.

Your turn:

How do you feel about embracing your awesomeness? Are you afraid of achieving your potential? Do you feel that you can confront your fears?

With you always in my heart,
Andrea

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I just came back from a trip where I got a little disconnected from my spiritual practice. I was gone for 10 days helping my brother move into a new house. In the midst of boxes, trucks, and little nieces, my practice lost its way.

During these 10 days, most of the mornings I woke up with my nieces’ sweet voices calling out for me. My meditation time was suddenly replaced by precious moments with my little angels.

The time spent with my family was priceless, but usually I know better than to let my spiritual practice slide for even a day. My spiritual practice is what keeps me grounded and focused on what is really important in life. Getting out of sync with my practice is not an option.

Fostering a spiritual practice can make the difference between walking this earth aimlessly and living a purposeful and happy life. Since this is a principle dear to me, I’d like to suggest that we support each other in creating a spiritual practice that is supportive to our lifestyle.

My spiritual practice

To give you an idea of what a spiritual practice is, this is what I’ve been currently doing on a daily basis to create space for connection within.

1. Prayer time

I start my day with some prayer time, which consists pretty much of reaffirming out loud my intention for the day. Nothing too specific, mostly connecting with what the universe has to offer that day. It’s my way to check in with the universe.

2.Meditation

The prayer time is immediately followed by a 30-minute meditation which is my way to connect within.

3. Awareness

Throughout the day I practice awareness of my thoughts and beliefs. This helps me dilute the internal noise so I can stay aligned with my true nature.

4. Listening

If there is something that I’m puzzled about or that I’d like answers to, I practice inner listening. This helps bypass my ego self and the fear traps I might have intentionally set up for myself.

5. Framing the night

As I lay in bed I do one of the following to help set up my frame of mind for a restful sleep and to set up the tone for the next day: I listen to spiritual teachings; do imagining; or say a prayer out loud in my own words as a way to checking in with the universe.

Many faces to a practice

As you can see, there are many faces to a spiritual practice. What kind of practice we develop for ourselves is a very personal choice that may vary depending on our culture, religion, and spiritual inclination. Here are some examples of spiritual practices that you might like to incorporate into your daily routine.

Prayer - Start and/or end your day with a prayer or your own affirmations.

Meditation – Include a quiet time in the morning and one in the afternoon or early evening.

Yoga practice – Yoga is often associated with exercising and stretching, but yoga actually means union with the divine. A yoga practice can be used as a time to connect with our body and our spirit.

Listening – Develop a practice of listening to your deepest voice. Great insight and guidance can come from this practice.

Reading spiritual materials – It’s a good practice to set aside some time daily to read spiritual books or listen to spiritual teachers. Even material that we’re already familiar with can serve as powerful daily reminder.

Mindfulness – This practice can be used as a way to stay in the moment and notice our thoughts and actions. When we start to observe ourselves, we start to go beyond our surface behavior and journey deeper within.

3 biggies

To create the space for a spiritual practice it’s very important that we implement the following:

1. Consistency

For any practice to be successful, we need to be consistent with the practice. We only see the results if we stick with the practice long term. Even if we start with just five minutes a day it’s the first step to creating a space that honors our spirit.

2. Discipline

Until a habit is formed we need to have discipline to stay with our daily practice. We’ll start to notice some results after we stay with the practice a little while. But you’ll notice bigger rewards when you stay with your practice long term.

3. No compromises

We often tend to let our practice slide when we encounter changes in our lives. No matter what changes happen in your life don’t compromise your spiritual practice. Your spiritual practice is actually what is going to keep you together through the tsunamis of your lives.

Bump it up in stages

After you’ve had a steady practice for a while, you may feel compelled to bump it up a bit in terms of time commitment or by supplementing your practice with other activities that can support you on your path.

I’ve been meditating in the morning for a few years now, but I’d like to bump up my practice by adding an afternoon or early evening meditation. After I’ve established this new addition to my spiritual practice I plan on returning to a daily yoga routine.

I’ve tried implementing a second meditation and a daily yoga practice at the same time and it hasn’t worked.  I get started with one and then try to add the other one; but soon enough, one falls away — and then the other one as well.

It’s better to have patience with ourselves and not be too greedy. Start with one goal. After this goal has been firmly established for a couple of months, then spice up your spiritual practice by adding a new component.

Today I’m bumping up my practice with an afternoon meditation. I’ll commit to stay on track with this addition until this new habit is clearly formed.

How about you? How would you like to supplement your spiritual practice?

Let’s support each other on this beautiful journey within. Share in the comments how you’d like to create or expand your spiritual practice. Let’s make a commitment to stay connected within.

“Brite-size” dose of happiness

To expand our consciousness, grow, and transform it’s important that we practice daily the principles we learn. Here is the brite-size dose of happiness for us to practice this week:

“Create time each day to connect within.”

I’ll be covering this process on my weekly Britetalk Radio show if you’d like to tune in to explore this topic a little deeper.

With you always in my heart,

Andrea

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The other day I was working on the mission statement and vision for the two non-profit foundations I’m involved with and it got me thinking. The same focus and intention we set for our businesses can also be applied to our lives with great results.

Our lives deserve some loving direction to make sure we stay on track with what we love to do. So why not write a mission statement for our lives somewhat like we’d do for a business?

Creating a mission statement for our lives provides us with something to refer back to throughout the years to help us stay in sync with our passions.

The following exercise is a great clarifying tool to better understand our purpose and intentions.

Mission statement –> aligning with our purpose

Our life’s mission statement is a brief description of our fundamental purpose and how we accomplish it. If you need help figuring out your life’s purpose before starting with your mission statement, refer to How to find your purpose in life.

1. Create broad strokes

Create a sentence that can encompass all aspects of who you are. Your main mission statement is supposed to be the essence of your being. A mission statement answers the question:

“Why do I exist?”

I know this question seems pretty daunting, but if we think of it in broader terms, it’s a bit more manageable.  Usually the reason we are here is not to be a lawyer, a writer, a father, and so on. These are just expressions of our mission.

If you could sum it up in one sentence, what would you say is your reason to exist? It can be something as broad as “to give love”, “to be love”, “to be a beacon of light”, and “to share happiness”. Stay quiet for a moment and listen to the answer that comes to you.

2. Fine tuning it

Once you’ve identified your mission in broad brush strokes, it’s time to fine tune it by including some more details.

A life mission statement also answers the questions of what are the things that we do well and how do we express these talents. By answering the following questions we can better support our fundamental purpose.

As you answer the following questions, let things flow freely out of you as a stream of ideas, words, sentences, and concepts.

What are the opportunities or needs that we’d like our life to address?

Include how you would like to use your main purpose in life to serve others or to provide some benefit to the world.

What are we doing to address these needs?

Include the activities that you’re passionate about that can help you achieve your purpose. By listing these activities you stay focused on what aligns you with your mission instead of straying into other activities that are not as supporting of your life’s main purpose.

What principles or beliefs guide our work?

The values and beliefs that you hold are going to influence how you interact with life. List your main beliefs and values to ensure your mission statement stays in agreement with them.

3. Make it manageable

Now that you’ve gathered a lot of information about your purpose, your passions, how to deliver them, and the values that guide them, combine it all into a few sentences. Try to be brief while hitting the main points. This will help you stay focused whenever you refer to your mission statement.

Consider the following tips when drafting a mission statement for your life. Your mission statement should…

• Communicate your life’s purpose in a manner that generates support and ongoing commitment.
• Inspire yourself and those around you.
• Convey your thoughts in a manner that is persuasive and easy to understand.
• Use proactive verbs to describe what you do.
• Be short enough so you can readily repeat it.
• Use positive language.

“Brite-size” dose of happiness
To expand our consciousness, grow, and transform it’s important that we practice daily the principles we learn. Here is the brite-size dose of happiness for us to practice this week:

“In whatever you do in life, stay true to your life’s mission statement.”

I’ll be covering this topic on my weekly Britetalk Radio show. If you’d like, tune in to explore this topic a little deeper.

Your turn:

How do you feel about creating a mission statement for your life? Do you have a values clarification process that you use to stay tuned to your inner goals? Please share.

With you always in my heart,
Andrea

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A gift for you

If you’re having trouble figuring your purpose, check out Life Lessons—The Best Self-Reflections From 108 Bloggers from Abubakar Jamil and Farnoosh Brook. This free ebook (no subscription necessary) is a compilation of articles by 108 bloggers reflecting on their lives while providing what they’ve learned along the years, most often, the hard way. I hope you enjoy it.

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I’m getting ready to move into a new house and I have one week to find a new place. We’ve been looking for rental houses but we haven’t found the right one yet. This could be a very stressful situation by normal standards. Based on my previous posts, you might have noticed that I don’t really use conventional thinking in my approach to life.

I could look at this moving situation in two ways.

1. One way to approach the move is to stress that we won’t be able to find a place that meets all of our requirements of floor plan, location, and price within this short time frame.

2. Another way to approach my move is to realize that all our problems are solved.

I bet you’ve guessed which approach I’m taking.

This is a follow up to my previous post on choosing happiness. We’ll continue to explore the concept that how we live life is totally based on our thoughts.

No need to figure out a solution

We tend to think that the longer we concentrate on a problem the sooner we’ll figure out the solution. Life doesn’t have to be this hard or this complicated. We don’t have to exert ourselves trying to come up with solutions because:

For every problem we face a solution has already been created.

Yes, a solution already exists! It’s a huge relief to know that all our problems are already solved. The tricky part is to figure out how to get to the solution. If it’s a certainty that a solution already exists for the problem we’re facing, how come we don’t have that solution yet? How come all we can see is the problem?

Align with the solution

The reason we can’t quite see the solution yet is because we’re still associating with the problem. We’re only allowing ourselves to see the problem. As long as we’re rehashing the problem in our minds –living and reliving the problem, thinking constantly about the problem– there is no room to connect with the solution.

All that we need to do to find the solution to our problem is to stop concentrating on the problem. Instead of being in the vibration of the problem, we need to move into the vibration of the solution so that the solution can come to us.

Two step formula

Our vibration aligns with the solution when change our feelings. When we change our state of being from stress to excitement, the solution comes to us effortlessly.

Our state of being is what will bring forth the solution for a perceived problem. When our physical mind already envisions our problems as solved and trusts that our problems are solved, we start to resonate with the solution. We feel wonderful because we know that our problems are actually solved. That’s when we begin to align with the solution.

There are basically two steps to this process:

1. Stop reinforcing the problem.

2. Align with the solution by trusting and getting excited that the solution is already in place.

It’s important to understand that as long as we’re energetically aligned with the problem, we can’t be aligned with the solution. Make a commitment at each moment to change how you feel and concentrate on the solution, even if you don’t know exactly what the solution is yet.

Release control

Whatever solution we try to come up with is in some way limited to the confinements of what our physical mind considers possible. Our higher mind is far more capable than our physical mind to bring us a perfect solution.

We can trust our higher self to bring the best solution for our situation in each moment. Our higher self already knows our path and the solution; we don’t. There is no need for us to know the details. We only need to trust that it’s all taken care of.

Neutralize the problem

Thoughts cancel each other out. For example, fear cannot coexist with love. If you replace fearful thoughts with loving thoughts you automatically cancel out the fear; you neutralize the fear.

To neutralize a problem, we concentrate on the solution.

To neutralize my house hunting situation, I concentrate on the fact that it’s all taken care of and that we already have a perfect house to move into. It doesn’t matter that I haven’t seen the house listed yet. Instead of being worried that I won’t be able to find a house in one week and trying to come up with solutions such as a plan B, I totally trust that we already have a house in place. I constantly stay with the solution.

Ten tips for aligning with the solution

1. Shift your attention to the fact that a solution already exists.

2. Trust that the solution is already in place.

3. Be open to the unexpected.

4. Let go of resistance.

5. Allow the solution to come to you effortlessly.

6. Stay with the feeling of joy and excitement for having the situation resolved.

7. Stay with the vibration that resonates with the solution instead of rehashing the problem.

8. Listen to your inner guidance and honor your inner knowing.

9. Trust that there is a perfect timing for the solution to be revealed.

10. Be ready to be surprised.

When fear tries to creep in that we may not be able to find a house that is perfect for us within our short time frame, I remember that my problems are solved! Yes, they are. And the truth is that I don’t have to worry about a thing.

Help is on the way

To help you stay focused on the solution it’s a great idea to bring your attention to source-like feelings such as peace and love. This will help neutralize any fear that tries to come up.

My sweet friend Tess (The Bold Life) just released a hot free guide: Peace, Love, and Connection that can help you do just that. This guide is the perfect resource for anyone looking to bring more love, peace, and connections into their lives. Take it from Tess, an expert in all of these areas.

“Brite-size” dose of happiness

To expand our consciousness, grow, and transform it’s important that we practice daily the principles we learn. Here is the brite-size dose of happiness for us to practice this week:

“All of our problems are solved!”

I’ll be covering this process on my weekly Britetalk Radio show if you’d like to tune in and get a refresher course.

Your turn:

How do you feel about taking a fresh approach to your problems? Can you envision your problems being solved even before you have evidence of the solution? Are you usually more aligned with the problem or the solution? Please share. :)

With you always in my heart,
Andrea

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If you like this article, subscribe via RSS or by email. Kindly tweet it, share it on Facebook, or use the social buttons below to add it on your favorite social sites. I truly appreciate it. :)

“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” -Dalai Lama

It’s pretty common nowadays in the personal growth community to hear people say that happiness is a choice, me included. What we don’t often explain is how to choose happiness.

We assume that it’s easy for everyone regardless of what is going on in their lives to just turn to themselves and say “I’m going to be happy now.” While it may very well be easy for some to do just that, the majority of us need a little bit of direction on how to drastically change our feelings.

What people often ask me is “how can I choose happiness when what I’m feeling is anger, hurt, abandoned, or unlovable.” Even though it seems far-fetched to choose happiness when you feel the world is collapsing around you, it’s not as hard as it seems.

Like anyone else, I have my moments when happiness eludes me temporarily. In these instances, I use a very simple process to regain my peace of mind.

The “choose happiness” process

No one really wants to feel sad, upset, tormented, disillusioned, despairing, frustrated, and so on. Even if you somehow enjoy the drama of it, there is a point when it gets old and you’re ready to get out of this unhappy state that is consuming you.

When you’re ready to make the shift, all you have to do is the following:

1. Bring your attention to what brings you happiness.

Think of a situation in the past in which you were happy. Create situations in the future where you are happy. Bring to your mind as many examples of happiness as it makes sense to you. Create in your mind a clear picture of happiness. Switch from the images and thoughts that were causing you discomfort to images and thoughts that create happiness. In the end, whatever we’re experiencing is just a concept anyway. So, create the right concept for your life.

2. Feel the happiness.

As you associate yourself with happy situations, people, or things that bring you happiness, notice how you feel. Let this new found happiness infuse you. You have to really bring it on. As you embrace happiness, whatever you were feeling before starts to fade.

With time this process becomes second nature. To shift into happiness all you have to remember is that you don’t have to feel bad, not even for a minute. It becomes a matter of just saying to yourself:

“I don’t have to feel this way right now. I can choose to be happy.”

I use the above sentence all the time when any discomfort shows up in my life. This is a powerful affirmation.

It’s really a matter of recognizing that we have the choice to choose how we feel in every moment. If you’re feeling anything that is not happiness, remember that you chose it. We can’t really play the victim with our feelings. We’re in control of how we feel. No one, I mean no one, can make us feel anything that we don’t want to feel.

I’ll be covering this process on my weekly Britetalk Radio show if you’d like to tune in and get a refresher course.

Make a habit of it

Besides practicing the above method, another way to bring happiness into our lives on a constant basis is to create a kindness habit. When we practice kindness, we bring happiness into our lives and the lives of others. We generate a happiness chain by practicing kindness which allows us to more consistently experience happiness.

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” -Dalai Lama

Alex is promoting a 31-Day Kindness Challenge where we vow to make kindness a daily habit. It’s said that it only takes 21 days to create a habit. When we take on this challenge, we’re guaranteed to create the “kindness habit” which will hugely benefit us and anyone we encounter.

He has also put together a free Kindness Manifesto filled with inspiring ways in which to express kindness. We can use the ideas in this manifesto to help us promote kindness on a daily basis.

As our actions become true expression of kindness, we continuously bring more happiness into our lives.

Make it stick

When we choose to be happy, we’re taking charge of how we feel and how we want to experience life. Our internal state determines everything in our lives. I’m not exaggerating when I say everything. Our internal actions are as important as our external actions.

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” -Dalai Lama

Zeenat provides a wonderful free ebook Your Self Healing Starter Kit that can help us shift our internal actions. Her ebook is a great tool to bring awareness to our internal actions so we can align our actions more consciously with happiness.

Let’s not waste another minute with feelings that don’t bring us happiness. Happiness is a choice. It’s a choice that you can make right now.

Your turn:

Do you feel that you can shift into happiness when you want to? Do you feel that you can choose happiness? How do you feel about making kindness your daily ritual? Are you ready to embrace good feelings on a constant basis? Please share.

With you always in my heart,
Andrea

Photo by D Sharon Pruitt

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This post is part of a collection of essays compiled by Joe Wilner to help you consider your own personal philosophy toward living the greatest life possible.

My philosophy in life is that there are only two games that we can play. One game is very popular; the other game, not so much. Most of us play the most popular game day in and day out. This popular game doesn’t bring happiness, it actually brings unhappiness, but nevertheless we continue to play it constantly. This is the Limitation Game.

Like you, I know the Limitation Game very well. I played it for many years. I’m not ashamed to say that I was a pro at it.

The limitation game

Most of us are very good at the Limitation Game in at least one area of our life – and maybe in most areas. When we play the Limitation Game we feel like victims of our circumstances. By association, we blame others for what happens in our life. Life ends up being what happens to us and there isn’t anything that we can do about it. We feel doomed to live small lives.

On top of that, during this game our inner dialogue is constantly saying “I can’t do it.” “I’m not good enough.” “This is impossible.” For everything that we encounter, we let negative and self-defeating thoughts control the situation and get the best of us. We get so beaten up by life that we feel hopeless. It’s like living powerless in a dead end life.

Now that you’ve mastered the Limitation Game, it’s time to switch teams and play the only game that is actually going to bring happiness and fulfillment into your life: The Freedom Game.

The freedom game

The Freedom Game is about changing how we feel about ourselves and our lives. I work at this game every day hoping to be a pro at it one day. As I internalize the rules of this new game, my life opens up and happiness and joy blossom like never before.

Notice that the Freedom Game is not about changing our circumstances to more favorable ones. It’s an internal game, not an external game. As we change our perception about our life, our life also changes. So how do we play this game?

The Freedom Game is actually very simple. It only involves a few guidelines. The tricky part is to remember to follow these guidelines all the time. We’re so used to the Limitation Game that if we don’t make an effort to stick to the principles of the Freedom Game, it’s easy to start playing our old game without even noticing it.

Here are some fail-proof strategies from the Freedom Game that will turn your life around:

1. Take 100% responsibility

No more victim mentality. Take control for how you feel about your life. When we blame others, we give our power away. We pretend that they have the power to control our feelings. If only they hadn’t done this, or if they had done this instead, or if they had said that, then we would be ok. How can anyone else but our self be responsible for how we feel?

No one can make us feel what we don’t want to feel. Whatever feelings we have in each moment, we are responsible for them. Your boss cannot make you feel incompetent; only you can make yourself feel this way. Your partner or your family cannot make you feel unlovable; only you can make yourself feel this way. We’re choosing each of the feelings and fears we’re experiencing.

2. Change your thoughts

As we take responsibility for how we feel about our life and our circumstances, we allow ourselves to choose something different. The door opens for us to change our thoughts about ourselves and our life because we’re the ones with the power.

We can choose to see that there is nothing wrong with our circumstances – not one single thing. It’s what we think about our situation that is bothering us. If we change our thoughts and see our situation and other people in our life as perfect, our life immediately changes.

This slight change in perception makes a world of difference. As we become aware of the thoughts that cross our minds, we can more easily choose healthy, supporting thoughts that liberate us.

3. Choose happiness

Now that we’re becoming aware of our thoughts, we can choose happiness instead of misery. In each moment we can choose to complain and feel miserable, or we can choose to see a blessing. It’s extremely liberating and empowering to know that our happiness doesn’t depend on anyone else except ourselves. It’s up to us to choose in each moment to be happy with what life has given us and with what we’re experiencing. Everything in our life is a lesson to be learned, a blessing to be discovered. It’s up to us to choose to see it this way.

4. Live in the now

Forget the stories we tell ourselves about the past and who we think we are or were. This is all in the past and we can’t do anything about it. It’s time to stop reinforcing ideas of who we’re not. It’s our chance now to create a new empowering version of ourselves in each moment. Only this moment counts; the choices we make in this very moment determine the life we lead and how we experience it. Only this moment counts, not the past or the future.

It’s up to you…

Right now is when we decide to be open to happiness, open to our potential, open to exploring new possibilities and new venues. In this moment we’re 100% responsible for our happiness, our choices, and our feelings.
There is only one game that can lead you to a life of total happiness. Now that you know how to play the game that will give you a happy and fulfilling life, the choice is yours. Which game are you going to play in your life?

To read the other essays in The Great Life Philosophies and receive insight and inspiration from some awesome bloggers, download the free ebook.

Your turn:

What game are you choosing to play with your life? Do you feel limited or do you explore your potential to the limits? Please share.

With you always in my heart,
Andrea

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“Open your mind to the part of you that is  constantly in touch with your highest expression.”  -Lee Coit

Most cars nowadays have a GPS device that can give good directions, provide a map, and smoothly take us where we need to go. But in life, not so easy. Most of us navigate through life without using any sort of GPS to guide us through storms and winding roads.

Almost every other day I feel like I’m at some sort of cross-road. I’d love to be able to punch something in and let the “life GPS” guide me.

But what if I told you that there is a very powerful guidance system that can effortlessly guide us through the mayhem of our lives. And what if this guidance system is the best GPS we could ever buy and yet happens to be free? Does it get any better?

This top of the line GPS is our inner guidance. Ok, I’m not going all woo-woo on you with this inner guidance stuff. I’m pretty serious here. Before you discount this process as some new-age fluff, I challenge you to try it. You’ll probably notice that the process outlined here can work for you in beautiful and unexpected ways.

Connecting with your internal GPS

Meditation is a great tool to help us tune into our internal compass. I get a lot of guidance through meditation and through noticing signs of grace throughout the day. But even if you don’t meditate you can still access you inner GPS.

The book Listening by Lee Coit beautifully outlines a process for increasing the awareness of our inner guide. This is the process I’ll be presenting here. I’ve tried this process before with success, but now I’m going to ramp it up and use it all the time. Lee says we can use this process for every single decision once we get more skilled at it.

1. Realize our “wordly” mind is not really capable to solve our problems – We can use our rational mind to solve our problems but it usually involves stress and a lot of work on our part. The solution our logical mind gives us is not effortless. Actually, the solution may not even be good for us in the long run.

2. Realize that the power to solve our problems is within us – We have to really let go of the desire to solve our problems with our normal “ëgo” mind to be able to listen to our inner guidance. We have to release our worldly efforts to allow our inner compass to guide us.

3. Be willing – The secret of listening is the willingness to “listen”. When we silence our busy mind, we meet the peace and quietness within us. We know we’re in contact with our inner guide when a sense of peace and calm comes over us.

Two voices

When we start to listen, we receive guidance in different forms. We might hear a voice, see pictures, experience emotions, receive messages through others, or all of these. Regardless of the form in which the message is delivered, you’ll notice two voices emerging in you.

1. The first voice – Usually what we hear first is the ego giving us the answer. Our ego is limited and is not aware of our true infinite nature. The ego is lost and scared. In its fear, it tries to protect us with messages of limitation. When we hear answers that involve scarcity, hurriedness, fear, or limitation, rest assured that this is the ego voice.

For example, if I’m thinking about attending an event, the ego voice might tell me to hurry up and buy the ticket before they are all gone. If you notice, this voice involves stress, the urge to rush, and scarcity because the emphasis here is that supply is limited.

2. The second voice – When we let go of the idea of limitation and fear, we start to hear true guidance. The second voice has no judgment. It’s insightful and unlimited. The answers bring joy and peace. And as we listen more and more to this second voice, over time the first voice starts to fade.

15 Listening Principles

I’m not really big on long lists but in this case it’s the best way to convey a clear idea on how to go about “listening.”

1. Banish preconceived ideas – make a clean slate

2. Monitor our thoughts for grievances – real or perceived

3. Accept others – learn to trust

4. All things aid in discovering the truth – keep an open mind

5. Keep seeking – don’t give up

6. Allow ideas to flow – be a river

7. Identify the problem – seek deeply and honestly

8. Do not rush the answer – be patient, not a patient

9. The answer is for us – not for others

10. The answer will come – you can be sure

11. The real goal is the truth – have no other goal

12. Open-mindedness is the key – willingness turns it on

13. Record thoughts for study – record the guidance received

14. Rely on the gift of guidance – it belongs to us

15. Guidance is dependable – we have more than we use

10 tips for better listening

With the above principles at your disposal, follow these tips to maximize your listening experience.

1. Be still; let go of your thoughts

2. Have no investment; be detached from the answer or the outcome

3. “Listen” with assurance and trust

4. Be willing to listen to the universe’s voice, which is everywhere

5. Accept your answer without judging the messenger or the message

6. Listen to your true inner voice; the small voice that speaks of love and peace

7. If in doubt, keep “listening”; you’ll feel at peace when the right answer arises

8. Proceed if at peace

9. “Listen” for reassurance

10. Daily devotion to “listening”

How can you tell whether it’s working

To know whether we have the right answer and that we’re actually receiving inner guidance, look for these signs:

1. An “Aha” moment may arise with all pieces fitting together; you may even feel a “warm glow.”

2. There will be no pressure.

3. Everything flows.

4. Others will agree.

5. Serendipity occurs.

6. Ideas keep returning.

Your turn:

Are you paying attention to your inner guidance? What method do you use to tune into yourself? Please share.

With you always in my heart,
Andrea

Photo credit

Sharing goodness on the web:

The following are a couple of bloggers who clearly follow their inner guidance.

Everyday Bright – Why Aren’t You Doing What You Love?

“And at some point, you realize a person who lives for two days a week has reduced their enjoyable life span by over 70%.”

Balance in Me – A Complete Guide to Starting a Stress Free Day

“Morning is always the most important part of the day. Who can argue with that? Just imagine that you are sleeping deeply and suddenly you hear somebody cutting grass right outside of your window. I am pretty sure that you won’t be too thrilled about the beginning of this day.”

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