How to Get What You Want in Three Steps




You may think that you want many things in life. The truth is that basically everyone only wants one thing in life.

The one thing that everyone has in common is that we all want to be happy. As the Dalai Lama would say “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”

But happiness shows up for each person in a different form. Some consider that finding their perfect mate will bring them happiness. Others consider that winning the lotto is what will make them happy. There are countless circumstances in our lives to which we attribute our happiness.

We seem to be certain of what we need in our lives to be happy. The question, then, is how to get what we want so we can be totally happy.

There are three fool proof steps to help you get exactly what you want in life.

1. Evaluate your desires

The first step is to gain awareness of conflicting desires. We tend to think that we are clear about what we want. In reality, what we carry inside of us is a jumble of conflicting thoughts about what we want. Don’t believe it? Try this simple exercise:

Close your eyes and think about something that you want. Notice how many other desires, even contradicting desires, also populate your mind. Be truthful with yourself when trying this.


I’m renting a gorgeous house that I love. My contract is up and I thought that I was pretty clear that wanted to renew the lease. When I tried the above exercise, I noticed conflicting ideas in my mind. I noticed that I wanted to renew the lease but that I also thought that maybe moving to a cheaper rental would be better, or that buying our own house would be more beneficial, or that having a house with a better office could have its benefits, and so on.

Another common example is that many people want to be successful. At the same, though, some of them don’t want to be successful because they are afraid of success or they feel they are not good enough to be successful.

We have conflicting interests for most of the items in our lives. For each item that we aspire to, we have many other thoughts that contradict and compete with that desire.

2. Go for the big guns

The second step is to release the form and go for the essence. Since we have conflicting ideas of what makes us happy, it’s logical to conclude that we don’t really know the best forms for our happiness. Therefore, instead of concentrating on the form (how our happiness should be delivered), let’s concentrate on happiness itself.

Analyze why is it that you want the job, the mate, and the money. Usually it’s because you think that those things are going to bring you happiness. However, don’t ask for all the small things that might bring you happiness. Rather, go for the big guns. Ask for the essence of what you want, which is happiness itself.


When Mandy graduated with at degree in Marketing, she had her eye on a great job at a top marketing firm. She knew that if she could only get that job, her life would be perfect. She would be the happiest person alive. Mandy ended up getting that job. Even though the job was everything she wanted, it only brought her misery. The job offered great pay, powerful location downtown, and wonderful growth opportunities. On the other hand, the people she worked with gossiped behind her back and back stabbed each other on the way up. She couldn’t stand the work atmosphere, so she ended up quitting.

When we ask for a specific form, such as a certain job, we can’t be positive whether that form is the correct answer to our desire for happiness. However, when we only ask for happiness itself, and let go of focusing on the particular form it should show up in, we are guaranteed to be happy.

3. Release your desire

Once you’ve released the idea of how your happiness is supposed to show up and you’ve asked instead for pure happiness itself, release your desire for happiness to the universe. When you allow the universe to deliver your happiness in whatever way it sees fit, your happiness shows up in magnificent ways.

Allow the universe to work its magic. Meanwhile, love everything that comes your way. Each and everything that shows up is part of the plan that the universe is weaving for you.

Getting what you want

You only have to take the above three steps to get exactly what you want. Most often, the happiness you were seeking will come in a different package than you expected. Nonetheless, you are guaranteed to receive your desire — happiness.

Happiness is not something readymade. It comes from your own actions.
– The Dalai Lama

Take the words of the Dalai Lama to heart. Start taking these steps towards your happiness now.

Your turn:

What brings you happiness? How do you create happiness in your life?

With you always in my heart,


Photo by D Sharon Pruitt

Enjoy this post?

If you liked this article, please tweet it, share it with your friends on Facebook, use the social buttons below to add it on your favorite social sites, or send it via email. Also, subscribe to posts via RSS or by email to get upcoming updates. I’d appreciate it.

20 Responses to “How to Get What You Want in Three Steps”

Read below or add a comment...

  1. Cole Stan says:

    I can relate to your #2 point “go for the big guns”, though not directly. Actually, my brother once experienced it. He had a high paying job, but ended up quitting because of others’ hidden agenda. It only proved that money can buy your happiness in life.

  2. Farnoosh says:

    Andrea, you are right about a dozen or so things flashing before our eyes when we try to concentrate on only one – I will try this during meditation to see if there is any more clarity in this head then than I have now….We were at the dinner table with my Mom a few weeks ago and I asked her if someone was happy – she said that’s a complicated question. I said No it is NOT, I am happy – very very happy. I would not have said a few years ago but a switch was turned on and since then, I am convinced of my happiness, despite the ups and downs of life and even my own mood shifts…..of course I could be happier with a house in Hawaii ;) but I digress ….thank you for the lovely post here!

  3. Prerna says:

    Hi Andrea! Lovely post. I totally agree that the definition of happiness varies from one person to another. And also, about letting the universe take care of our happiness.. I’ve experienced this many times and now am a firm believer in the protective, positive powers of the universe.
    Thank you for sharing this with us.

  4. Hi Stan! Welcome to britetalk. Thanks for sharing your story. We all tend to fall in the same trap of associating happiness with something or other, like your brother’s job. When we practice freeing ourselves from this old pattern, we allow what is best for us to show up. Not easy, but practice may make it perfect.

    Thanks for visiting! Loving blessings!

  5. Hi Farnoosh! Lovely comment. I’m glad that you can now affirm your happiness. That’s awesome!!

    The “ups and downs of life” and “mood shifts” come and go. In the end, they don’t matter much. What is real, your happiness, stays.

    And, well, who wouldn’t love living in Hawaii? :) Loving blessings!

  6. Hi Prerna! Great to see you here! It’s a great experience when we release control and flow with the river of life.

    I find it best to stay out of the way and allow the universe to do what it does best, provide our happiness. I’m often surprised by what shows up. Loving blessings!

  7. Dia says:

    Hi Andrea,

    Very nice article. I like your second and third point a lot. In regards to releasing our desires, this is so true and what I usually do. I ask God for what I want, and then I have complete faith that he will give it to me. I don’t have to know how, God knows. Once we let go of attachment, things come our way so easily and this is the true happiness for me. Thanks for sharing Andrea :)

  8. Hi Dia! I agree that it’s important to let go of the how. All we need to know is the what, the how will take care of itself.

    Faith or trust is an important component to be able to completely let go. We tend to more easily detach from the outcome when we can totally trust that it will be taken care of.

    Thanks for coming by and sharing. Loving blessings!

  9. I am like Dia, “Let go and Let God.” Some people try so hard to be happy that they really get in there own way. Kind of like can’t see through the forest, because of the trees. Happiness is usually in our back yard. We are to busy trying to look over the fence to see it.

  10. Sangita says:

    Hi, Andrea,

    Undoubtedly a true, clear, very neat and superb post.
    It is said that, “the more we have, the more we want”(human nature) and it is the reason why we can’t stay happy or cherish the real happiness that surrounds us.
    I believe in the quote, “satisfaction is the greatest happiness.” Again the humans are failing to attain happiness due to the never ending desires or the so-called conflicting and contradicting desires which are at most of the time not at all easy to fulfill.

    I liked the inspiring words of The Dalai Lama : “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” It’s so true. Our satisfying actions only have the power and strength to supply us with the bundle of happiness.

    Really enjoyed your writing!


  11. Hi Debbie! Great examples. True, when we try too hard we get on the way of our happiness. Happiness is not as complicated as we make it to be. When we look inside (or our backyard) we can always find it there. It’s the other stuff (like the trees) that distract us sometime.

    “Let go and let God” is also favorite of mine. :)

    Great to see you here! Loving blessings!

  12. Hi Sangita! Wonderful to hear from you. Thanks for your beautiful words. I love it: “Satisfaction is the greatest happiness.” The desire of always trying to obtain something outside of us keeps us in constant search and unhappiness. Awareness of our internal happiness, and satisfaction, can help us resolve this issue.

    Many loving blessings!

  13. Cole Stan says:

    Thank you so much for a warm welcome! I hope to see myself here regularly. I just like how you made us realize that being happy is attainable only if we learn how to treasure what we currently have in our lives.

  14. Joe Wilner says:


    Very interesting article. I particularly like the first point. Many times we are experiencing cognitive dissonance in life, wanting something that causes distress in another area of life, or wanting something we feel guilty about. If we can work through these mental contradictions by really discovering our values and convictions, then decision making becomes a whole lot easier. I also agree with your second point. I think people should strive for flourishing instead of striving to just make it through the day, or setting a goal that things don’t turn out badly. We must develop our perception to focus on the big picture of what we have to offer, and realize that’s we can really make a difference in the world. Thanks!

  15. Nadine says:

    Hi Andrea!
    What a great article. I identify most with #1 and the part about the fear of success. I sometimes feel afraid that I won’t know how to handle it. I find that what helps me to get through those feelings are creating positive affirmations and (most importantly) act as if they are already true for me. For example, I might say something like, “I am a child of God, I have the power, strength, wisdom and confidence of the Spirit within”. Or maybe, “Nothing is out of reach for me, there is no situation I can’t handle or problem I can’t solve”. Those work for me, they may not work for everyone. You can pretty much make one up for any situation, you just have to know what works best for you. That’s what is so great about them! Thanks again for the great article!

  16. Hi Joe! Good to see you! “I think people should strive for flourishing.” :) I love that. That’s what we are here for to flourish, bloom, and grow. I welcome all mental tools and exercises that can help me on the path. As we bloom, others bloom. The world then becomes a garden. We can make a difference in many ways. :)

    Thanks for sharing inspiring thoughts. I love your input. Loving blessings!

  17. Hi Nadine! I also love affirmations and acting like they are true. Actually, they are true when we believe so. :) Your affirmations are great. I’m sure we all can benefit from them.

    Many of us have fear of success but often we are not even aware of it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Loving blessings!

  18. John Sherry says:

    Andrea, your words have a gentle energising buzz about them. Your warmth shines through and I echo what you recommend in releasing desires. I think there is an over focus on following big dreams these days when simple desires and wishes are so much more in reach. So reach I say. And I love that tagline so very much – ‘Life served sunny side up’. Fabtastic! Like a hearty breakfast for the soul :)

  19. Hi John!
    Thanks so much for your kind comment. Yes, simple desires and wishes are as good as big or small dreams. It’s good if it comes from the heart regardless of the size.

    BTW, “a hearty breakfast for the soul” would also make a great tagline! :)
    Loving blessings!

  20. Thanks Stan! I’d love to see you here more often. Yes, just trust that all you need you already have in you and you are all set. :) Loving blessings!