If we ask one hundred people what it takes to be happy, the answers will be very different. Our idea of happiness varies widely based on our ideas about life and ourselves. Even though we may all have different ideas about how to be happy and of what happiness is the answer to how to be happy is actually the same for all of us.
So, the big question is: What is the secret to always being happy — no matter what happens and regardless of the circumstances?
The comparison syndrome
When you think that you should be single, married, thinner, taller, richer, successful, and so on, you fail by comparison. You think you should be something else and therefore you are immediately unhappy with who you are or where you are in life.
Byron Katie tells an interesting story of a woman who was lying on a hospital bed with a leg that was very swollen. This woman showed her swollen leg to Katie and Katie said, “I don’t see a problem”. The perplexed woman uncovered the other leg and said, “Look how this leg is different from the other one”. “Ahh”, Katie said, “Now I see. You want the swollen leg to look like the other leg.”
The swollen leg by itself was not the problem; the problem was thinking that the swollen leg should look different than it did. Unhappiness comes from the idea that the two legs should look exactly the same or that they should look a certain way when in reality they don’t.
How can I be happy?
The answer lies on your beliefs, pure and simple. You are not happy when you think that your life and circumstances should be different than what they actually are. When you change your beliefs about your life, voilá, happiness enters your door. Yes, it’s that simple.
Examine the things in your life that make you unhappy and ponder why you are unhappy about them. Most likely it is because you would like someone to be acting in a different way, or you would like something different to be happening in your life. In either case, always remember the following:
Circumstances don’t matter. Only state of being matters – by Bashar
What is going on in your life is not really important. What is important is how you feel about what is going on in your life. That is where your beliefs about your life play a big role.
Believe it or not
It all comes down to you being at peace with your life. If you believe that your life should be different than what it is, than you are already at war with life. Believing that you life is beautiful doesn’t mean that you can’t change your life. It only means that you are grateful for what it is right now and that you appreciate every little moment just as it is. The next moment can be different, and it often is, and you appreciate that next moment just at it is also.
The one single step you can take to a “happy you” is to invest in having healthy beliefs about yourself and your life. When you accept that your life is perfect — right here, right now — then it always is. No one can take that away from you.
And because no one can take that away from you, happiness becomes totally up to you. That in itself makes me happy :)!
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Andrea,
What a wonderful look at happiness! I tend to think I’m a pretty happy person…although there are certainly moments when I find myself in that place of comparison (ughhh). So…I’m storing this in a safe place within my brain for the next time one of those moments arises! thank YOU!
Hi Lance! I guess most of us have that moment when we fall into the comparison trap. I’m sure you are not alone. I’ve been known to be guilty of it every once in a while. Even though I consider myself to have been born with the happy gene, there is always room for improvement, right? Wonderful to hear from you. May you have the happiest day ever.
Loving blessings, Andrea
Andrea,
I totally agree! Happiness is something that must be cultivated and developed through self-awareness. It is a real paradox that people think happiness can come from external things, so we all strive for more, but the more we get the less happy we are. Comparing ourselves to others, whether based on accomplishments, life position, or possessions, is a true dimmer on the light of life.It is a tough lesson to learn, and one that I’m sure I’ll be learning for awhile. Thanks!
Hi Joe! You are right on the target. We tend to look outside for what we already have inside if we take the time to notice it. Beautiful comment. I appreciate your visit. :) Loving blessings, Andrea
Thanks Andrea for a beautiful and concise article.
I have read many words about how to be happy, but this is the best and simplest I have ever read.
There really is no rocket science to being happy – it is totally up to you – and you just have to accept the here and now. Be at peace with your life just as it is now and stop believing that it should be any different.
I have shared this article on Twitter and Facebook (and a friend has further shared it too) – so your simple words will bring awareness about being happy to many more people:-)
Thanks again
Hi Arvind! Thanks so much for the kind reply and support. I’m truly touched.
Choosing to be happy in each moment eventually leads to a lifetime of happiness. All we need to do is take one step at a time (or better yet, one moment at a time). Loving blessings!
P.S. – BTW, I also retweet your last post. Nice job!
Andrea, Loved this post! It reminded me of a quote by Mahatma Gandhi, goes something like this; “If what you do, what you say and what you think are in harmony, you will be happy”. (Maybe you can write an article about that)
Also, if you are one to compare yourself to other people, stop that and compare who you are today to who you were yesterday. If you are making progress in whatever you are pursuing, you will be happy. And if you are not, it is okay too. I feel happy now!
Hi Sam! That’s a great idea for a post. I added to my list. Thanks!
It’s funny that you said to compare yourself to yourself. That’s what I always told my kids, specially when doing sports. When they were disappointed with the outcome of a game or race, I would tell them to check whether they thought they did their best and whether they did better than the last game or race. They would always say ‘yes’ and then we would go on to celebrate the achievement. Thanks for the reminder and this could also be another post.
I’m glad you feel happy now. This made me happy too! :)
Loving blessings!