This post was written as a contribution to the Life Lessons Series, a project for personal development bloggers to share their life experiences with readers. I feel honored to have been invited to be a part of such a wonderful project.
We often think that we know what is best for us and for everyone around us. Actually, we even think we know how people we haven’t met, such as celebrities, should lead their lives and what they’re doing wrong. We think we know what is best for the environment and for the world as a whole.
If we knew what was best for our lives and the world, wouldn’t we all be living a happy life in a happy world?
Notice how many times during the day you are caught giving advice to people on what they should do. We also tell ourselves in subtle ways what we should be doing later – say, the next day and the next month — like we already how our lives should turn out.
We think we know what is best for us, but as the old saying goes “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans”. In truth, most of the time we actually don’t know what is best for ourselves or anyone else.
Lessons learned
When I reflect back on my life and the lessons I’ve learned, there is one lesson that stands out above all:
“I don’t know anything”
I realize now that this is actually a very good thing. It would have saved me and others a lot of grief if I had learned this sooner in life. But in reality, there is always a perfect timing for us to learn each lesson.
The fixer-upper
When we want to change others we tend to think that it’s because we are trying to help them. But really, it actually has nothing to do with them. Rather, it has all to do with us.
We have this notion that we know how others should act, behave, and live. And if only they did what we want, their lives would be fine. Since we can’t control how people act, this is a sure plan for unhappiness on all fronts.
When we realize that we don’t really know what is best for anyone, it allows others to be themselves, and it allows us to accept them for who they are. Acceptance is a great gift to our self and others.
The passenger’s seat has a better view
We act like we magically know what is up ahead, as if we had clairvoyant vision regarding the big puzzle pieces of our lives. When we stop concentrating on what our future steps should be, we leave room for the universe itself to gracefully bring those steps to us. We are no longer the pilot of our lives, but instead take the passenger seat and enjoy the ride. It’s an act of surrendering.
One thing is for sure, the plan the universe has for us is always better than the one we envisioned. Therefore, is there actually a need to know what’s next? Not really, just live and enjoy. This perspective allows you to live in the now, enjoying each moment as it is and making the best of what life brings to you.
The interrupting know-it-all
Many of us have the “interrupting curse”. The reason we interrupt people is because we actually think that what we have to say is more important than what they are saying. We think that they can profit from our wisdom.
When we realize that we don’t really know what is best for that person, it frees us to listen patiently to what they have to say. We become a better listener and a better friend. Most often people just want to be heard. They already have all the answers inside them anyway.
The controlling curse
Realizing that we don’t really know anything makes it easy to release control. There is no longer a need to convince others of our point of view or get into heated debates. The only reason we try to convince others is because we believe we are right and that they should see the world our way — because again, we know better.
When we realize that we don’t know what is best for us or the other person, we can let others have their beliefs and be at peace with it. This realization provides huge relief and freedom.
A motto to live by
As I’ve incorporated this new way of living, I’ve also adopted the following motto:
I release the need to know
This simple phrase helps me out when I notice that I am trying to convince someone of my point of view, or when I’m starting to meddle in someone’s life. I gently whisper to myself “I release the need to know”. In that moment, it becomes irrelevant to be right or to fix someone else’s life.
I’ve had innumerable examples in my life of things turning out in splendid ways after I stepped back and let people and situations take their own course. It’s very refreshing that I don’t have to know everything, because things will always turn out alright in spite of me.
I use to be a “know-it-all”, but now I’m proud to say that “I don’t know a thing”.
How about you? Do you tend to want to change people? Do you like to interrupt people or win arguments?
Great lessons Andrea. Thanks a lot for your lovely contribution to the Life Lessons Series.
I can’t agree more with on your lesson about not knowing everything and yet how many of us do exactly the same and go through life acting as if we know everything there is to know about life.
Thank you for your insights.
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Hi Abubakar! It’s my pleasure to a part of such a wonderful series. Sometimes, when we believe we know, we can block our growth as we proudly reside in the mind. I believe humility is often a good approach knowledge. :)
Thanks so much for visiting! Loving blessings, my friend!
Hi Andrea,
Excellent post! I love this sentence “One thing is for sure, the plan the universe has for us is always better than the one we envisioned. Therefore, is there actually a need to know what’s next? Not really, just live and enjoy.” WOW! That really sums it up nicely.
I’m grateful to you for writing this post. There are some things here that I will definitely use on my journey. Thank you.
Hi Keith! Nice to hear from you. A complement to the quote you mentioned is “inspired action”. Instead of acting from the mind and knowing, we act from the heart as we listen to the universe’s voice.
Adyashanti has a saying that pretty much sums up what I mean -> If you want to know something, go somewhere else. If you want to un-know everything, sit and listen.
May your journey be filled with joy. Loving blessings!
I agree with Keith, the positive energy from this article is well received. :-) I’m glad that I knew nothing when I started blogging, or pursuing a freelancing career that I never thought I’ll be doing today. It’s just magical how one thing leads to another, frankly speaking, I owed much to faith and hope that brought me to where I am today. Just follow the guidance and do what is necessary. Listen more, be humble and never fear to try something new. :)
@wchingya
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Hi Ching Ya! Faith is always a welcome component. Like you, I’m also an adept of believing in the magic that happens when we surrender.
The three items you mentioned are some of my favorites: “Listen more, be humble and never fear to try something new”. When we release the fear we can achieve as high as we can dream. Listening more will get us on the right path. Being humble will keep us true.
Thanks so much for visiting! Loving blessings!
Release the need to know, I like that idea. I have come to realize that I know very little and understand a lot. I used to offer people unwanted advice and what a hassle. When I find myself falling into that habit I will remember and repeat to myself “Release the need to know”.
Thank you for sharing Andrea.
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Hello Sandra! Releasing the need to know was a tough one for me to learn. One might say that I had a bit of control issues. But once I learned how to let go and surrender, life became an amusement park.
This is a good point that we can know little and understand a lot. We often understand way more than we think. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for visiting.
Loving blessings!
Thank you Andrea for your blog on We dont need to know a thing…..great insight and I really identify with the question after the statement I used to be a know it all. I used to be, and what a relief when I took my hands off and just sat back, and also the whole interupting people I was not so bad at that I don’t think, but obviously there is always room for improvement. I absolutely hate being interupted and so try really hard not to do it, but I probably still do of course, just not so much now that I am mindful.
Great blog and thanks for connecting with mine too. I have subscribed to will get feeds now which is great I look forward to it.
Wishing you every happiness,
Penny
Hi Penny! So great to see you here. Being mindful is a crucial important step for growth. I’m glad to hear you are working on the interrupting issue. It seems that we are a constant work in progress. I agree that we always have room for improvement. That’s the beauty of it.
Thanks so much for your subscription and for visiting! Many loving blessings!!
“I release the need to know.” Great motto and reminder. Thanks for the twitter follow and posting your inspiring thoughts!
Hi Cindy! You are welcome. Sometimes we get really attached to our ideas and the things we “know”. It’s much simpler to just release them.
Loving blessings, my friend!
I’m becoming a big fan of your blog. Always keep up the good work. I love moderators who consistently use authentic content.
While I honestly think these points are very vital to our existence as humans, I still find it not too easy to inculcate. I try as much as I can to let things be, letting people live and trying not to interfere as much as possible, but sooner or later as I have found out, those things you kept quiet over comes back to hunt you because the people who had the issues you overlooked can’t be replaced. What then do we do? Continue to overlook and endure the pain they cause you or just accepting them together with the pain? I pray I can find the strength these much …
what if they had the power to change, but would rather be a pain on your neck? What would you advice?
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Hi Tito! It’s not always easy, I know. All we can do is try not to interfere, like you said. Pain is a concept we take upon ourselves. Embrace them with their pain and all. They have the power to change but it’s their choice whether they choose it or not. Not our problem. It’s only our problem how we feel about it. They cannot cause us pain unless we allow them to. We don’t have control about how they feel but we can control how we feel. When something causes us discomfort is up to us to examine our feelings and choose to feel differently. It’s not always easy but it’s doable. We can offer to help other but we can’t control the outcome.
I hope this helps. :) Loving blessings, my friend!